enough, why is it never enough?
And it isn't, ever.... why?
Been doing so much lately. Been on top of things. Finished the second draft of the feature script . Got a few creative pick up jobs (some camera work, some dance work, some modeling) did a cool shoot with Gareth Brown (photo shown), got to wear a full on traditional Japanese Kimono (someone somewhere is rolling in a grave... i had no right...)
But there I am, doing it. And i just want more. Just keep wanting more and more.
Script ideas are coming quickly now. The urge to get on stage is so strong.... there are the band rehearsals. (yes, a real live band, I am screaching like Janis... it's fun.. we are good, we hit the stage in December)
But why can't i just do one thing? Why is it never ever enough?
And then there is the sticky subject of money. So i lucked out AGAIN. I got a 'real' job. Something that pulls in monthly cash.
My little Nana said: you don't SEEM happy about it Mama.
And i am not.
Why?
I just want to have the space and time to create. You know, Virginia Woolf and 'A Room of One's Own' and all. That still resonates. LIke a holy grail. And i want to have loved ones around at the same time. Why the hell not? Why can't i have a lover, my kids, my work... my CREATIVE work...
all
at
the
same
time
It is almost as if I am being tantalised by little tastes of each world. Lovely intense tastes of each. But never all at once. Never quite making it. It never quite happens.
Why?
